it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
