So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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