My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
