Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
