This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
