On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
