I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
