I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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