is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
