i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
