nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
