my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
