you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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