at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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