If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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