sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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