Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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