i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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