are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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