did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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