woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
