Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize
