how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
