I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
