he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
