I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Shitshow foam night was such a success
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
