Grow some girl-balls and come out already
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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