My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Randomize
