dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
