You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
