pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
