True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
