Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
