i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
