forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
