He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
