Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
