Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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