Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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