I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
