he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
