Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
