the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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