I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
