you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
