I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
