Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Randomize
