it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
