i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
