and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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