you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
ttyl tear gas
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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