im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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