I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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