I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
